A Letter to the One with A Broken Heart

Some seasons in our lives aren't easy. Sometimes, life doesn't go the way we want it to. Our heart's desires aren't always filled. Our hearts can be rejected, let down, and even so broken that we give up on letting others in. Life is difficult but we must do what we can in order to keep going. As I reflect on where my heart is today, what season God has placed me in, and where the hope of my future lies, I want whoever is reading this to know, you are never alone. Through trials and tribulations, know there is a plan for you. If you are hurting right now, trust me, I understand. I want to leave you with this letter..

Dear Heart,

I know throughout the time you have been pumping blood through my veins you have often wondered why you always seem to find yourself alone and misunderstood. Here is what I can tell you so far. When you were first brought into this world, you were very tiny. Your parents knew you were going to be different than the other children because you were only a few pounds and smaller than the average baby. The ones that cared for you were scared because of how small you were, so they kept you close.

From the time you were in kindergarten until the time you graduated high school, you were brutally picked on. I know that you didn't understand why, I didn't either. I know when the other children told you, you weren't allowed to play with them on the playground, you would attempt to be happy and play in the corner by yourself. Your mom tells me she used to come to the school parking lot and sit across the street and watch you because she didn't want you to be so alone as recess, you never knew that until recently. She saw how the children treated you, Heart, and it broke her's too. When you had to sit at a table by yourself for years or eat lunch in the bathroom stalls because kids didn't like you, I know you felt downcast. I remember Heart when you would sit in the kitchen at home alone in 7th grade and you would cry to your mom that you didn't have friends. She tried desperately to get the other kids to play with you by calling their parents from the school directory. When the phone would ring, you finally felt wanted! You would get ecstatic because kids from school were calling you. When you would answer, you would hear laughing on the other end of the line followed by

"Go kill yourself pizza face, nobody likes you and nobody will ever love you".

and you Heart, you, you believed it, every last word. I know you were only a child and didn't understand that kind of torment. You would cry to your family many nights. They would comfort you, but still, always Heart, you felt forgotten, alone. Those painful words have stuck with you for many years causing you anxiety, isolation, and fear of letting others in.

I want you to know how proud I am of you for enduring the teasing, the name-calling, and the bullying for so many years and still coming out of the storm with kindness in your soul. You are not alone. There are many hearts out there that have felt the same pain as you have endured. Many refer to us as, the misfits, the outcasts, the ones who never have "a soul tribe". Here is the most important thing I want you to take away from these words and actions against you, Heart. You have brought joy and love to others. Because of the love, you have spread and because you have the want to make sure no one ever feels what you felt, you are courageous and capable, Heart. I know that you have had a difficult time as you have matured and grown, letting others in. I know that you have many times, pushed away those who love you. I know you struggle with being open as an adult because you fear when you let someone in, they will hurt you, again.

As Pastor Steven Furtick says, "Some of us are so used to scarcity, that abundance doesn't even feel normal to us. And when God brings it, we reject it because we have never known it before, deeper. God will send someone to love us, but if they love us too much, we will push them away, because we are not used to receiving fully".

Heart, you can't be fearful of opening yourself up to others, because you might miss the miracle. You have so much to give and you are worth allowing someone to love you. I know because of the pain from your past, you can shut down easily, you beat fast when you are anxious, and you felt insecure sometimes. But you are fruitful. You deserve to be rewarded with love again. Heart, you allowed me to see the good in others even when they didn't want to show it. You allowed me to see peace and kindness through animals and nature that God does exist and He is there for you Heart. He won't let you down.

I know within the past month you felt those feelings of aloneness again. You opened yourself up and you felt it wasn't enough, maybe it wasn't but continue to try. Each time you beat, the sadness of feeling like you are not loved or worth it has come to mind multiple times and it overwhelms you, that is the enemy's lies, he wants you to bleed. I know right now, you are reminded of the rejection from the past only in a different way. Heart, currently you are filled with pain and you ache right now, but Heart, you will continue to find your way. Each day, you get stronger and more loved. But this time, the love is by me, the one who carries you. The one who cherishes you. I am the one who thanks you for keeping me alive each day so I am able to show others what I wasn't shown growing up. I know heart sometimes I keep you locked up, and those that deserve your love and want to know you have a hard time getting to see your softness. You will get there one day Heart and you will be so loved. I love you and I want you to know you are worth love, and kindness.

Heart, allow those you care for in, even though you've been hurt in the past. Don't keep pushing away the ones important to you because of fear. Learn to speak up, learn to open up again. There are good people out there and they want to show you affection. Allow them in, Heart. Please, for me, stop being so frightened that no one will ever see how wonderful you are and what you deserve. Be patient Heart, and be kind, no longer be afraid.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

You will be loved. You are not alone Heart.

I love you, all of you.

Lovingly, Lucca